I 

HAVE

WEDDING

FEVER

really I just want  to be able to call him 'husband'

my heart sinks
and stinks
stale
stale
stale
stale
mold
filmy fuzzy mold
the smell!
pungent
stings the eyes
tears trickle
I cry
I sob
I hurt

won't you skim the surface?

I'm tired.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait

for what?

Can you give me an answer?

no. 

that's what I thought.

*sigh*

When  I am old  what answer will you give me then?

For time is not on my side and ultimately I pay the price.

Right  now your words feel empty and hollow.

I have sat here and cried ugly tears
I've mourned. I've bled.

That was years ago but still fresh for my salvation is farther from reach.

Years I must wait and all with out a promise.
Only my hope sustains yet I am starving for some fuel for the fire.

I cry anew, for both him and you.

WHILE I'M AT IT

AND YOU SIR,

enough already.
Succumb.
Won't you?
For me? Please?
Love?


I tire of this purgatory and what to begin the rest of a life, that's all.
It would be lovely, promise.

*sigh*

Fibers

I knew our story before ever stepping foot
youmeyouandmeyouyoumewe. you.me
that was the then before the now
cause we, I, knew then where we'd be now
here.
this place of two history streets
i create the he and you continually find a new she
A she for this, A she who can do that
as trivial and trite as my last few petty poetic rhythms and rhymes
cause this damn damned (see that, I really cursed this time)
story of two people is neither new nor unique
for it's of an age with the pharaohs
and more numerous then the whores of a sheik
just as tiresome as the rantings of--well me--about you
because I can count in years my darling dove
YEARS
how long I have had something to say about you.

what would that be, pray tell?
Well!

well.

I that would seem to be
precisely that it just may be
as long as I live I will carry you with me
imagined/real slights and all

because

the fibers of my left arm connect to the one dangling from under your right
we are cut from the same cloth and parts of me long to be stitched back together
though I recognize I've been made into a lovely two piece jacket/skirt ensemble
(have you checked out my covered button holes!)
while you are a fine three piece suit and women's wear and mens wear are not one in the same
no matter how hard I try
they are not, will not, nor will ever be the same
my drape hangs fluttery off a cure
your cut is so sharply clean.
a curved sharp does not exist.

Pretty boys don't stay;
they leave you wishing for the glory of past days.

i'm ready for you to be here.

not just for this impending trip

but every day;

for good, for life, for keeps.

my biology is strong

coupling is what i desire

pairing off, nesting, planting, growing roots

i want to mingle mine with yours till they get so tangle we can't tell who's who.

i want to call you my only

as i answer to my love

i want to know you

as i should

but i can't

not completely

till then

so i grow worn

battle time

and pray it does not win

Childish, slender creature

damn the passion damn the skies

damn the light that's in my eyes

I know all to well where this has led before

god save me if I can be saved

free me if my soul's enslaved

now I battle what I most adore

you are my life

my second self

so be my wife

my little elf

as sirens call the sailors

she calls me now

from Jane Eyre the musical. all these years latter and I still remember the lyrics to a good amount of the score. It's just one of those peices that's enduring for it speaks so truly to the heart

I STILL WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND

growing pains

I ACHE TO BE HIS WIFE